Pretend Is Your Favorite Passion
by ChristaRei
Summary: Beth has moved into a new city, 10times different than her old town. She thought she might start a new page, but this page isn't what she had wish for. One drunken mistake that won't escape her mind leads to anger and plausible deniability. Oh, and she might just not be okay with the strange feelings she has towards this 'mistake'.
1. Chapter 1

August 25th, Sunday, 21:18pm. That is the night that Bethany Parker will never forget. It was her first night in California after her dad bought her a one-way ticket. He was working, of course. With his new marketing job, he would only arrive the next morning, but this time he was gone for two days. Beth was upset that he would not be there on the first morning of school.

The day that he told her that they were moving, she was very sad. Just the thought of her leaving her friends and her cousin behind upset her deeply.

So there she was at the bar of their new home in the restaurant below. The Willow hotel.

Alone.

Technically, she was not allowed to be there, but why couldn't she lick her wounds and break the rules in the process? No one even suspected that she was a minor. Beth practically looked older than her age.

The bartender asked her if she wanted anything, she just went for the White Russian. Drinking fancy cocktails on an empty stomach made the seventeen-year-old's head woozy, but she just kept on drinking.

The chilly wind from her right suddenly disappeared. She turned to look at who had blocked it. Next to her sat a boy, merely her age. He had long semi-curly black hair with a fringe swept to the side, out of his eyes. The hairs on top were in different directions. To Beth it looked like he had never bothered brushing it. She chuckled at the thought. He chuckled as well as if he read her mind.

"Something funny?" Beth asked.

"You," he said.

"Excuse me?" she looked at him curiously.

"You're here at the bar. Alone. I'm just wondering why you're laughing at your own thoughts… or are you hallucinating?" Beth was quiet, not bothering to take her eyes off him. She looked at him long enough to notice that he had brown eyes. Those eyes of him were so dark that it would hide absolutely every secret. She bet he might be a pretty good liar too. "Lost your tongue?"

"No," she sighed and went back to staring at her drink. She gulped it and noticed that he was still studying her, "If it wasn't that obvious, you're making me self-conscious."

He chuckled. Then he started using random pickup lines, but it didn't quite work with Beth. Nothing was more annoying than pickup lines to her. She just laughed and then he made jokes. Score. She giggled like a little girl and was oblivious to the fact that this guy had scored for the night. He loved it―drunk girl, easy target.

Soon the game changed, she was the one dragging him to the elevator. They were like two magnets; never taking their hands off each other. Making out, not caring who was watching them.

Once they entered the elevator she leaned against the mirror on the wall and he leaned in staring into her eyes. For the first time Beth felt hypnotized. She had been this closed to a guy without kissing him before but it wasn't as intoxicating as this moment. It was quiet around them. Only the elevator music was on and they were still staring at each other, speaking a different language.

"What's your name?" Beth asked softly, reaching out to touch his chest.

"Ronnie and you're…" he took her hand and read the name on her charm bracelet then back at her, "Bethany."

She nodded before she grabbed his hand and ran it up her thigh, "Beth."

He did not need her guidance, he just continued as if he were in a trance. His hands ran along her arms up to her neck. Before he could kiss her again the doors of the elevator opened. Beth took his hand and led him to her apartment.

« »

Usually at night, Ronnie Radke would wake up and take his occasional 'whizz'. His eyes opened and immediately widened when he realized that he was not in his own bedroom. He sat up and noticed that he was not alone in the bed. Someone else lay next to him. _Shit_, he thought.

The figure was sleeping peacefully, every breath silent and rhythmic. He carefully got out of the bed, not wanting to wake whoever it was up. He smiled remembering the night before.

Ronnie wasn't the type to sleep around, and he hated the thought of a girl waking up and seeing him gone.

He looked at the alarm clock and saw that it was 3.30 in the morning. If he was still the old him, he could have easily left without a doubt, but he had changed and he wouldn't have done it. This time he had no choice. He had school and had to wake up in his own bed three hours later. A heavy breath startled him. Quickly, he grabbed all that was his, dressed and left the hotel room.

Kill me now, Beth thought when she woke up. Her headache was unbearable. The alarm clock went off and it sounded so loud that she wanted to get rid of her eardrums just not to hear it. She hit it with her fist twice to stop it.

She was just about to call out for her father, but remembered that he was not there. It took her a while before she finally stood up and went to brush her teeth.

"I wish it was still weekend," she murmured while brushing her teeth. After rinsing her mouth, she grinned at herself in the mirror. Her eyes shifted to the dark purple-ish spot on her neck, "A bruise?"

She moved to the mirror for a closer look and gasped. To her disappointment, the bruise was not what she thought it was. It was a hickey. Beth hoped that the night before was just a dream, but this proved her wrong. She shook her head and jumped into the shower. She spent fifteen minutes in there convincing herself to forget her shame.

"Look at you. You look like a school girl," she laughed at the girl in the mirror once she was dressed. Of course she looked like a school girl. This new school required that the students wear uniforms. Everything about it was new to her; the white shirt and tie with its blue pullover and skirt. She had to get used to this, it was after all two school years before college. The only thing she was not sure of was her looks. She wasn't sure whether her features made her look good. Her bangs almost covered her green eyes and the rest of the hair hung loose on her shoulders.

Beth could not be any happier with the fact that the school wasn't strict on the hair. She loved her blonde hair and dark ends. It looked like she had dip dyed it. With her hair growing fast, she left the natural color without replacing the brown she once had. Her dad's ring tone started playing and she ran to answer her phone.

"Hey, dad," she said hoping to sound polite.

"Hey, love. I hope you have a great day today, I'm sorry I'm not there to see you off," Beth rolled her eyes.

"I'm not a little girl, dad. I'll get used to living on my own, but I have to go, okay? I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart," she could sense a smile in his heavy British tone. She hung up without saying goodbye and went to fix a light breakfast―cereal―so she could drink an aspirin. She left and waited for her school bus, which thankfully didn't take ages to come.

The bus ride to school was not long. In fact it was tamer than what she had seen on the movies. There was no school bully who would pick on her for being the new kid. But of course, this was only the bus ride.

When she got to school, she unplugged her earphones and looked around. Observing everyone and everything was first on her list. The new school overwhelmed her. She was in a new environment at a new school with new traditions. Everyone wore the same uniform but in they wore their own way. This was fantastic. A sign of individuality. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm her nerves. _Off you go, kiddo_.

..((^.^))..

This is my first story published. I only put up two chapters for now,, just to get the hang of it. Pleas review((honesty will be appreciated (: ))

Thanks xx

*Rei


	2. Chapter 2

"Ronnie!" one of Ronnie's friends, Madison, called when he entered the school gates. A big Chesire cat smile was pasted on her face. She seemed like the only person who was ever excited about school. Ronnie laughed. He missed her. Two months without that exciting happy vibe was just not fair to him. Her jolly mood would light up his mood anytime. That was one of the reasons why he and she were inseparable. Madison leaped into his arms and squeezed him, "Gosh, I missed you."

"My girl," he said after a tight, long hug, "Hey, Maddie."

"So? How are things with Violet?" As soon as he heard his ex-girlfriend's name, his smile faded.

"Things aren't," he shrugged. Maddie looked confused. As she caught on to what Ronnie said, she gasped and threw her arms around him.

"Aww, Ronnie-bear. I'm sorry," Ronnie just looked at her with amusement and hugged her again. Maddie tightened the hug.

The two finally let go of each other and then walked to the lockers while catching up. His turn came to tell her what he'd been up to, but Ronnie just said that he'd been working on a fading relationship. Before Maddie could say a word, the assembly bell interrupted her.

«»

The halls cleared up while Beth shuffled between what seemed to be the whole student body to where she was supposed to be. She got lost and eventually decided to follow everyone into a big hall with wooden benches. Boys were sitting on one side and the girls on another. This school was very organized. Nothing seemed out of place except for her, the new kid.

An elderly woman stood before the student body, welcoming them into the new school year. She bid a special welcome to the freshman after introducing herself as Headmistress Bennett.

"I'm glad to know that in a few years, you'll be calling Elma Prince Academy your alma mater," the woman said.

Beth smiled. The faculty seemed friendly enough. There would be no problem with anyone. Hopefully. She sat through the assembly with a now relaxed aura.

Three hours went by after the students received their new class schedules and settled in. Beth was now in her homeroom sitting by the window almost at the back of the class. It's not that she was isolating herself, but she always felt the need to sit at that specific spot.

"Aww, man, it's taken," Beth heard a girl say. She blinked at her. The girl smiled showing off her retainer, "Sorry, it's just... I always sit there."

"Me too, but first come, first serve. My anxiety levels will be at their highest if I sit somewhere else," Beth said. Lucky for her, the girl was not one of those girls with snotty attitudes. The girl smiled and took the chair in front of Beth.

"I'm Madison, can't say I've seen you before. You're new, right?" the girl said.

"I'm Beth, I just moved here," Maddie nodded. Beth looked at the girl once and already knew she was an enthusiast. She liked people who were like that because they were good company. For her the guarantee of no awkwardness was imperative.

"So, have you met anyone?"

"No," she paused, "Wait. There was this one guy who walked me to the administrator's office. I think his name was Terrence?"

"Terrence? That's one of my pals. Sounds just like him. He's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet," Maddie said, "Can I see your schedule?"

She zoomed through Beth's schedule and saw that they had Chemistry together.

Beth was relieved. Once she walked into that class, she wouldn't look like an idiot who didn't know anyone. She had Maddie. Her relief grew stronger when she was invited to sit with her new friend and Terrence at lunch.

The food was not bad. They tasted much better than the cafeteria food at Beth's old school. She could definitely get used to a school with less cliques and better food. The school was different from her other school. The teachers, the classes, the whole system and there wasn't even a single busted locker. It all seemed strange at first but the atmosphere was friendly.

As soon as lunch was over, Beth dumped her tray and went to her locker. She looked at the empty wooden door. It was too plain so she pasted her schedule on it. Satisfied, she looked for her next class. Ah, Chemistry. It had to be one of her favorite subjects ever.

"Late on a first day?" was the first words she received from her new teacher. She felt so embarrassed, "Bethany, is it?"

"Beth," she corrected the teacher.

"Karen Enscinas," the teacher said, "Welcome. Take a seat."

"Thank you, Ms Enscinas," Beth sighed and made her way to Maddie's table. She really hated the thought of being in trouble on the first day.

"You can stop shaking now," Maddie smiled. Her chauffer from earlier flashed a smile and gave her a simple wave.

"Terrence, I didn't know you had Chemistry," Beth looked at him.

"You didn't ask," Terrence gave her a smirk.

«»

The quiet hallways finally started getting life when footsteps were heard. Ronnie was late for his Chemistry class. By the time he got there, Ms Enscinas was doing roll call and had been at the teenager before him. Ronnie was just in time to hear his name called out.

"Present," he said out of breath, walking into the classroom. All eyes were on him. Typical. He always managed to be late for the class after lunch. He walked to his teacher's desk and repeated himself, "Present."

The teacher looked at him and gave him the 'go ahead' gesture.

Ronnie turned to see the students in conversation with each other. His eye caught Maddie sitting with two other people. He only recognized one of them, which he saw was Terrence. Between them sat a girl who was having a chat with Maddie.

He made his way to the lengthy desk where his friends were.

"I'm here," he said and Maddie turned to face him. Beth looked at him. His eyes shifted right to Beth. They were caught in a stare. Ronnie couldn't believe his eyes. He was at a loss of words. They were stuck in a staring contest soon to be broken by their brunette friend.

"She's Bethany," Maddie said. Ronnie opened his mouth but Beth's hand was already up offering him a shake before he could say anything.

"Beth," she said. He didn't quiet fully understand. All he did was take her hand in silence. Beth raised her brow as a signal. That was when he knew he had to play along.

"I'm Ronnie," he shook her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Ronnie."

Beth and Ronnie smiled, Ronnie looking more unsure than anything. Maddie didn't see the pretense Beth wore so well. She just looked at Ronnie and told him to fix his tie and soon the four of them were debating about music. Ronnie took one more glance at Beth. When Beth's eyes caught him, she didn't bother to look away.


	3. Chapter 3

The final bell for the day went off. Ronnie and Terrence left the school talking about the vacation. Terrence suddenly changed the subject. He talked about the day. He really looked forward to his junior year. This was the time to get ready for college applications and Terrence knew it very well. Not only did he spend time on his guitar, but Terrence readied himself for the best ivy school which he thought suited him. He made sure his grades were always above average. The boy with the dirty blonde short hair and ocean colored eyes strove for only the best.

"I don't mean to break into your thoughts, man. Could my senses be wrong or was there a vibe between you and Beth?" he asked a distracted Ronnie.

"You and your senses again. I thought summer would ease that sixth sense of yours. I'm starting to think you're turning into a girl," Ronnie joked, avoiding Terrence's question, "Don't make me start calling you Terry, bro."

Terrence laughed. A few miles away stood Beth and Maddie hugging each other goodbye. Ronnie looked as well.

"Don't you want to say goodbye too?" Terrence chuckled when he received a soft punch on the shoulder.

"Stop talking, man," Ronnie said, "Later."

Terrence gave him a nod and their ways parted.

Ronnie saw Beth walking alone. He paced faster to catch up with her.

"You're not taking the bus?" he asked. She stopped and looked at him.

"I prefer walking," she said and then returned to her walk, "I only take the bus to get to school or if I get too lazy."

It was not too difficult to see that she did not want to talk to him. In fact, Beth was quite nervous. The only way that she could hide it was if she put up this annoyed act, though it wasn't 100% so. Since Ronnie wasn't going to leave her alone, she made use of the opportunity to make him tell her about the school and interesting places in the city. He really sounded as if he knew California like the back of his hand.

"So why did you pretend like you didn't know me back there?" Ronnie took a stop to query.

"I prefer to forget about my one night stands," Beth simply said before looking at him, "Thanks for walking me home."

She walked into her apartment building, leaving Ronnie outside without any words. Beth made it to her room, but saw that her dad had not returned. A voice inside her told her to look outside her window. She peeked, but what she thought she'd see was already gone.

She was exhausted. All she needed was an aspirin for her headache and a hot undisturbed shower. The groaning of her stomach got louder once she pampered herself, but she wanted to avoid the restaurant that would obviously remind her of her first night. The easier way out of this one was just to order room service. It was faster and she didn't have to use her feet.

As she was waiting for her meal, she opened her laptop. Five emails had already filled her mailbox. Beth only wanted to talk to the people who knew her. The ones who reminded her of home but whom she envied. Although it did not help her homesickness to talk to her friends, she did get some sort of satisfaction.

«»

It had been an uneventful month since school started and Ronnie was goofing off in his room. He was playing guitar. While Maddie was getting closer to Beth, he was getting more focused on his music and lyrics. His pick sprung out of his hand when he was trying a new trick causing it to land on the floor. He didn't really want to get off his bed. Instead, he hung from the bed to get it, coincidentally looked under his bed, and saw a box. Wondering what it was, he took it and looked inside. A chuckle escaped his lips. This box had his old life in it. Elma Prince's wildest. The person he was before.

All that changed when he finally fell in love. It was probably the best him he could be. The nice guy, but he figured being happy came with a price. Violet―the woman he dated―cheated on him and he was too blind to realize it. She was cheating with one of his closest friends.

There couldn't have been a perfect time to find out. Violet was five years older and he always thought something would eventually go wrong.

"You wouldn't leave me for a younger girl, would you?" she had asked, "It's either that or an older woman."

Up until then, he couldn't really figure out what he was doing with her. They just weren't right for each other, but they both held on to a string of a misunderstood predicament. Even though it took him time to admit, she did mess him up pretty badly. That was his first relationship heartbreak. Since that time, Ronnie never really went back to his old self or looked at another woman with those feelings. The night he met Beth was the night he was reminiscing and drinking his cares away.

He walked to the backyard and threw his lighter at the pile he thought of as junk, burning his old life.

Meanwhile Beth was in her room, she was feeling extremely upset. She couldn't quite put the finger on why she was feeling this way. Her tears just kept pouring out.

She was feeling guilty. At the same time, she was angry.

For the past two weeks, Beth never really talked to Ronnie. The vibe that Terrence felt turned strange. As if Beth really loathed Ronnie, she got annoyed with him and didn't want anything to do with him, at all.

Maddie, Terrence and Ronnie did not know what the reason was. Ronnie being the victim became more frustrated with the way she acted and her not telling him why she was pushing him away.

At this point, Beth decided to suck up her tears and try to get over herself. She hated feeling this way. It wasn't a usual thing for her to get upset over things for a long time, but this lay heavy in her chest and she needed to get rid of it.

She scrolled through her phones contact book. Maddie's name was not far from the C's. She pressed the call button and waited as the phone rang. Someone else picked it up.

"May I please speak to Maddie?"

Beth had invited Maddie over for a sleepover.

((Not too later that night))

They were alone in Beth's apartment watching movies. Her dad was working late again. Out of the six movies the rented they had already watched three when the clock struck eleven.

"Not that this movie isn't fun or anything, but can we do something practical," Beth had forgotten that she was a couch potato compared to Maddie who was athletic. She decided to put humor into the night.

"Wow, Madison, uhm—" Maddie looked at her with a confused face, "Should I pucker up and we can move this to my bedroom?"

Maddie wrinkled her nose, Beth laughed at the face expression.

"Relax, Maddie, if I wanted you I would've already made a move before the first movie," she chuckled.

"Very funny, Bethany," she said rolling her eyes, "Besides you're not my type."

The girls sat in silence, and then they burst out into laughter. Interrupted by throat clearing they stopped and looked at who it was. It was Beth's father, Phillip. They greeted him.

"Hey, dad, this is Madison. She's my girlfriend," Beth said in a serious tone. Phillip looked at his daughter and gave her a weak smile.

"Have fun then," he said before walking to his room, "I'll be in the restaurant, love."

Maddie felt that Beth deserved a slap on the arm. She smiled at her.

"Is that all your father is going to say? You practically came out," she looked at Beth, who just shrugged, "You will tell him we're friends, right? And you're straight, right?"

Beth laughed at her friend.

"Well?"

"Yes, Maddie, he knows that we're friends," Beth smiled, amused at her father's lack of reaction, "What? Do you think I've never dated a girl before?"

Maddie smiled.

"You look like him."

"No." That was all that Beth said. She had heard it her whole life but still denied it. Her father wasn't as blonde as she was and they had different noses. The only thing that Beth agreed she had of her father's was the green eyes. The rest of her features came from her estranged mother.

"Let's play 'Never have I Ever', shall we?" she asked. Beth was surprised at her request. Maddie didn't seem like the type who was into drinking games. Luckily, Beth's father had left a six-pack of beer cans in the fridge. She took it knowing that he would replace it, anyway.

Phillip was not a bad father. He just didn't keep enough count of his alcohol to notice if one or two bottles or cans were gone. Since he was hardly home, he didn't buy that much. Beth decided to leave four cans for him.

Maddie and her started playing the game. In order for them not to get drunk, they made up the most ludicrous things. A drinking game like that never stayed silly until someone started being honest.

By midnight, they had drunk up two cans each and Beth was halfway through the third one.

"Okay, never have I ever... slept with someone," said Maddie. Beth took a gulp of her beer, "Really? How many times and who?"

Curiosity overcame Maddie. This one question made Beth upset. She looked down from Maddie's eyes and into her can. Without a word, she downed the content of it. Her eyes went blurry when she looked into her friend's hazel eyes.

"Once," she said, and then in a softer voice she confessed who it was, "Ronnie."

Maddie couldn't hold her gasp. She didn't expect to hear her best friend's name come out of Beth's mouth. Neither did she expect that Beth would be so upset about it. Girls used to crush on Ronnie a lot. But how and when did this happen that she did not even know about it?

"Is that why you hate Ronnie?" Beth finally looked at Maddie.

"I don't know, Maddie. I hate myself more. I thought about it for nights. I'm not sure why, maybe I was being crazy that night, but I definitely wasn't myself. All this guilt, all this anger inside me, I wouldn't have it if I could just go back and stop myself and Ronnie from getting into that elevator," Beth sighed, "I can't go back and not lose my innocence."

"No, Beth, you can't. I don't judge you and I can't answer the question of how it came to be. But you can't be mad at Ronnie. He's a good pal and you just keep pushing him away," Maddie said.

"It's not really Ronnie. I mean he didn't know… He was probably too drunk anyway," she said, "Was I wrong to break up with my boyfriend after it happened?"

"It can only be wrong if you didn't tell him the real reason."

Beth blinked the tears away that were on the rims of her eyes.

"I'm a horrible person," she said as she buried her face in her hands. The talk with Maddie didn't make her feel better. It made her feel worse than she already was.

Madison hugged her and rubbed her back. She reassured Beth that she was not a horrible person. Instead of watching movies further, they went to bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Thursday morning when Beth woke up she quickly got ready for school. She didn't want to be late, but she did want to get out of the apartment. It had been a week since Beth broke in front of Maddie. That next morning Beth developed the 'whatever' attitude where she convinced herself to come to terms with what bothered her. More exact, to pretend not to care.

When she got out of the bus, she walked straight into Ronnie while putting her iPod on shuffle.

"Mind to watch where you're going?" Ronnie said rudely.

"No, I like blindly walking into you," Beth narrowed her eyes at him. She was not in the mood to share comebacks with him.

Ronnie, on the other hand, was very disappointed that she did not give him a chance to get to know her. He too decided not to care anymore. Yes, he was attracted to her, but she was making it impossible to turn it into anything more. How would he even start if she couldn't look him in the eye with a hint of being nice?

He turned around to see her walking away from him. How could one change into three people in under a month?

Beth had been 1) the girl who had cooked up the physical attraction, 2) a new girl lying about one thing to start a new page in school and 3) the girl that hated him the most.

_No,_ he decided. Ronnie was not going to try to be anything of hers. He did not need anyone there who didn't want to be.

"Did you get the DJ?" He heard Terrence ask. He was on the phone. Terrence's father owned a club and let his son throw parties there. It didn't make sense to people how Terrence found the time to party while getting good grades. Somehow he managed his time just right, and the next day was one of his parties. Invitations went out the Monday, but the party always ended up on the internet. If it weren't for his bouncers, he would've seen it as a problem.

"Thanks dad," he said into the speaker before hanging up. Terrence turned around and gave Ronnie a smile, "Are you ready for tonight?"

"What are we celebrating again?" Ronnie asked.

"Life."

"You're not kidding?"

"Couldn't throw a house party, so might as well do it at the club…" Ronnie raised his eyebrow at the answer, "It's bigger. Come on, party animal. Some of us need it to unwind. We'll make it a singles party for you."

Terrence grabbed Ronnie and gave him a noogie. Ronnie pushed him away and they walked to the cafeteria.

«»

Maddie stood in front of a full length mirror looking at her outfit. She had a high waist skinny jean on with a white vest and a cream blazer. Her hair hung loose on her shoulders and she left it naturally semi-wavy. She wore five inch cream high heels that had big soles.

She looked with dissatisfaction at her reflection. Something wasn't quite right. It could have been her self-consciousness but before she could change to a third outfit a knock interrupted her thoughts.

"Come in!" she yelled.

"Hey," Beth said entering, "Wow, you look fantastic. You sure did go through a lot of trouble."

Maddie smiled at Beth, completely oblivious of everything else.

"Where's your retainer?" Beth asked.

"Bathroom, I don't need it. I just want to go one night in public without it," she smiled. Maddie hoped she looked okay. Although she did feel a little better, Beth made her think twice about her outfit. She felt a bit overdressed comparing to her friend.

Beth wore a blue dress that wasn't very long or short. It came above her knees and it was made of silk. A light white unbuttoned jersey covered her top half. Her hair looked messy enough, but her fedora added fun to her look. She was pretty tall. Maddie was almost as tall as she was in her high heels. She kept it simple and wore a pair of white converse sneakers that looked a bit old but were still in great shape.

"You look beautiful, Maddie," Beth reassured the doubtful girl. The silence broke when a honk pierced through the quiet night. Maddie grabbed her handbag and Beth's hand running out of the house.

The party had already kicked into gear when they got there. Terrence was being the perfect party host, making people enjoy themselves. It wasn't long until he asked Maddie if she wanted to dance. She didn't want to leave Beth alone, but Beth insisted that she go. Her eyes closed as she enjoyed the music herself.

Ronnie walked by and noticed her. He said her name and startled her. She opened her eyes and observed him. Something about him reminded her of the night the two of them had that rendezvous.

He wore a black skinny jean and a random dark purple almost black t-shirt. His hair was the way it was that night. Messy. And held a bottle of beer in his hand. He did nothing but stare at her.

"What?" Beth asked with an annoyance-filled voice. He shifted into the round booth, circling it and sat next to her, "Lost your tongue?"

Ronnie smiled at his own quote.

"Well, are you just going to sit there and smile or are you going to share your thoughts?" She sat so she can have a clearer view of him. He continued to look at her, "Speak now or forever get out of my face, Radke. Go waste your time somewhere else."

As soon as Ronnie reached his goal, he leaned in closer to look into her eyes. He was actually enjoying her annoyance.

"Alone again, I see. Well, I can tell you're sober," he smirked, "Let's take it somewhere private, Bethany."

Beth felt shivers down her spine as he said her name slowly. She shoved them off and sighed. How could she like him if he keeps making her hate him? It's as if he never let her forget.

"Is this what you normally do... pretend? Tell me, Bethany, what do you hate me for?" Ronnie asked, but still got no answer from her, "I don't know what lies you told yourself, but I sure know I'm sick of this. Don't be surprised when I 'hate' you too."

He created converted commas with his fingers at the word hate.

"I don't know if you've lost your memory or if you ignored what I said to you," Beth said as she came even closer to Ronnie's face, "One night stands are supposed to be forgotten, so quit chasing after me like a fan girl, would you?"

Somehow, Ronnie thought that maybe the feeling was mutual and whatever absurd feelings he had for her, she had for him too. It didn't seem that way anymore now considering they brought out the worst in each other.

The space between them narrowed. It was suppose to feel uncomfortable, but it didn't. Without any second thought about what he was doing, Ronnie crashed his lips to hers.

Beth didn't want to kiss back, but she felt compelled to. She had her hands in his hair, he had his body close to hers. Realizing what she was doing, she burst the bubbles of every nerve ending in her body that wanted him by grabbing a handful of his hair and pulling it to make him stop kissing her.

They looked at each other as if searching for answers. Ronnie gave her a smirk and said, "Hate sex would be good right now, but you're too much of a bitch."

He took the hand that still gripped his shirt off him. He returned what she did. Led her on and then left her hanging. Ronnie walked away feeling nothing but happy about his victory.

Beth just sat there, her heart aching. She couldn't understand exactly why Ronnie kissed her. Obviously, she felt the need between her and him, but he ignored it and rejected her. She then stood up and went home. All she did was fight her tears.

She did not hate him. She hated that she wanted him. It was all too confusing for her.

Meanwhile, Ronnie was celebrating with his friends.

"I'm back," he said, and grabbed a shooter. The guys he was with were the people who he used to hang out with. He always felt worry-free with them.

"Hopefully for good," Ronnie mumbled to himself. He knew that was the only way to avoid whatever was between him and Beth. Better that than having a broken heart. Different girls, different parties, no feelings.


	5. Chapter 5

***3 Months Later***

"What, Maddie?!" Beth asked, annoyed as one could ever be.

"Nothing," Maddie said. She had her sights glued on Beth.

"Please. Please quit looking at me like that and just get it out of your system."

"Fine, Beth. I want to know why you left me at the party," she finally let the thoughts out of her mind.

"I wasn't enjoying myself, Maddie. I said I was sorry," Beth said. She was lying, but only because she didn't want to talk about Ronnie. She didn't want anything to do with him, "Can we please move on?"

"Okay, I'll just pretend that I don't know that this has to do with my best friend."

Beth stopped typing on the computer. She sighed heavily and looked at Maddie. Maddie didn't know when to give up. As much as it pained her, Maddie knew how to pull her strings.

"I don't want to talk about it," Beth said through gritted teeth and returned to her work.

"Fine."

The weekend felt so short for Beth when it was close to over. All she wanted to do was to hide. If she could, she would make herself disappear to a different place. A place where she would not have to walk into Ronnie Radke. After what happened Friday at the party... well, one could say that all the emotion she had ever felt for him had turned into hard rock solid hate. How could he be so insensitive? Beth smirked to herself. She knew why. It was her own fault. She was the one who started hating him and not giving any reason for it. Truth is; she was embarrassed and the reason was personal.

"Are you girls done? Madison, are you sleeping over?" her dad's voice came from outside her bedroom door.

"Yes, dad. Goodnight!" she yelled back.

«»

"Ronnie!" Maddie yelled.

"Well, if it isn't my girl," Ronnie smiled a bright smile.

"Do you want to hang out tonight?" Maddie asked with excitement. It had been forever since him and her had sat down or even had a conversation. Since Ronnie was back to being the jerk he once was, he did not seem to care what it did to his parents or to the people who loved him.

Maddie still wondered what really went down between him and Beth. At the party, she was just minding her own business when she saw the little scene that played out at her and Beth's booth. She and Ronnie looked annoyed with each other, exchanged words, kissed and then Beth left.

"The guys and I are going to a party tonight," Ronnie said, "You could come."

"No, it's cool, have a good night," Maddie said, rejecting the invitation.

"Are you sure? We'll have fun."

"No, Ronnie..." she said trying to hide her disappointment, "You'll have fun."

"Yes, with you and everybody else."

Maddie looked at him and delivered a weak smile. She did not want to say anything. When he was the old him, they would go to parties together but sometimes she would be stuck babysitting a drunk Ronnie. Maddie was just not up for it. What she really wanted was to hang out with him in the hopes that the 'nice' Ronnie was still somewhere inside that tattooed body.

"It's fine, I was hoping for something quieter… like talking or a movie. I just wanted to hang out before your world swallows you whole," Maddie said when Ronnie smiled ignorantly, "Enjoy your night."

She walked away. The urge to get her best friend back was growing. How was she going to get it right?

Ronnie was confused by Maddie's behavior. Not long after she left, his phone vibrated in his left pocket. It was a text from one of his friends.

Party's hot. Where are you?

He put his phone back and started running home. Lucky for him, he was only three blocks away. He planned it in his head: Get in. Get rid of the backpack. Put on a clean T-shirt and a jacket. Get out. Ronnie managed to do as planned, but was stopped on his way out by his mother.

"Ronnie, great. You're in time for dinner," the middle-aged brunette said.

"No dinner, mom. Don't wait up," he said after planting a kiss on her cheek. His mother's smile faded. Her son was barely home. The plain thought of him being somewhere doing who knows what worried her. All she wanted was for him to be safe and to stay out of trouble.

"No, Ronnie, you're staying," she yelled without the intention. He turned to look at her with a questioning expression. "Now, go sit and eat. We're waiting. I won't repeat myself."

It was not a regular thing for her to yell at him and when she did, he didn't pay mind at all.

"I have to go," he said.

"Ronnie, it's like you don't live here anymore. You're out every night, you miss dinner and it's just touch 'n go with you," she deepened her frown, "Why don't you just move out then?"

"Where am I suppose to go?" Ronnie asked, failing to keep his voice down.

"I don't know. Maybe the next time you leave this house you could just stay wherever you are! Either way, I cannot keep cooking and cleaning for the ghost that's supposedly here."

"Could everyone just stop it for once?" his voice went louder and it was almost dominating his mother's own, "I'm sick and tired of hearing about how I've changed and everyone suddenly having beef with me. Would you just leave me be and look at your own life? I'm not perfect and I know neither is you and dad's marriage that's almost half over."

Horror crossed his mother's face.

"Yes, I know," he harshly said, "Before you get to question me, question why your husband's working later every day."

Ronnie practically ran out of the house. He was not in the party mood anymore. The fight with his mother put him off. Anger seeped through him and he did not care what words he spew out to whom. With a head full of anger, he made his way to a bar. It was hardly ten minutes and he already had his fifth shot of tequila.


	6. Chapter 6

"Wow, what great acting," Beth said in perfect sarcasm when she watched television. It was late and like always, she had nothing to watch. All the music on her iPod annoyed the crap out her and her dad brought work home. At that point, the most entertaining thing she could think of was to go stare at her white wall in the bedroom.

The bell of her apartment rang. A very urgent knock afterwards made her run. Beth's eyes suddenly went wide when she opened the apartment door. Ronnie smelt like alcohol and he hung on a bartender from the downstairs bar.

"He can be quite lucky I recognized him from when you two left together," the bartender said. Beth looked at him through narrowed eyes, "From the last time you were at the bar?"

She smiled at the waiter before looking at Ronnie who didn't look sane at all. The three of them still stood in the doorway while she was deciding whether to let them in. She had two choices; to pretend to be someone else or relief the poor bartender of Ronnie duty.

Before she could answer, her dad asked who it was. Beth couldn't find it in her heart to reject him no matter how much she wanted to.

"It's my friend," she said, her voice slightly breaking, "Ronnie."

The waiter looked at her, frown lines and all. She let out another sigh.

"Please help him to the couch."

They passed her, the waiter still having trouble with the heavy boy. She stared at the ground. When she looked up again, she saw her reflection in the mirror by the door. Her head was going insane. The 'hate' Beth looked back at her in the mirror with eyes scolding her on what she had just done. She betrayed the hate she had built by letting Ronnie in.

"I think he's passed out," the waiter said, breaking her thinking barrier.

"Thanks," she simply said.

"How old are you?" he asked with one raised eyebrow.

"Eighteen, I know. I shouldn't have been there."

"I won't tell, if you won't," he then passed her and left the apartment. Beth's eyes followed him. Busted by a friendly waiter, she thought. She closed the door and walked to the living area. Her dad came out of his bedroom.

"Is he okay? He looks kind of..."

"Drunk. It's fine, I can take care of him. Go back to whatever you were doing, dad," she said. She really didn't want to answer any questions from her father. They said their goodnights and he returned to his room. Beth turned to look at Ronnie. The boy was asleep. It was the first time she'd ever seen him that calm. She walked towards him. Her hands reached his broad shoulders.

"Ronnie?" she shook him. "Ronnie?"

There was no hope of him waking up anytime soon. She gave up. What could she do now but to leave him be? Heading back to her room, she took another glance and switched off the light.

«»

"Ronnie!" Beth whispered-yelled when she woke up. She jumped out of bed wondering whether she hadn't dreamt the night before. Quickly she made her way to the living area. Ronnie wasn't there. Neither was the blanket she threw over him the night before. _It was only just a dream, Beth_.

She got startled when she turned around. It wasn't a dream, Ronnie was still there. He stood sober in front of her with a messy bed head and a cup of coffee in one hand. The two looked at each other. Ronnie suddenly grinned.

"Good morning," he said.

"It's not so good anymore," Beth said, rolling her eyes. She walked past him to her father's bedroom.

"He already left," Ronnie said to her annoyance. She groaned.

"I wish it was you instead," the words escaped her before she could stop them. That was mean and she knew it. He just looked at her. A ping of guilt suddenly went through her and she scolded herself mentally. Ronnie gulped what was left of his coffee and without looking at her, he placed the empty cup on the coffee table.

"Thanks for the couch and coffee," he said, still not looking at her. He left. Beth groaned once more. But, it was not out of annoyance, it was out of frustration with herself. She was sorry for acting that way. Every time Ronnie was near her, she just felt the urge to walk away, but she actually missed him. She never gave herself a chance to really know him before he got all messed up. Ironically, she was missing the person she did not want to know.

«»

Terrence found it hard to open his eyes when the bright sun shined through the blinds. He despised the plans to change his bed to the current position it was. To make it worse, he had forgotten to close the blinds, which explains the sting of the UV rays. That was not the only thing different about his morning. He felt a weight on his chest and hot air blowing rhythmically against him. When he looked down, he faced a head of blond hair. A smile creeped on his face. With that, he put his left arm around the sleeping body and closed his eyes.

His alarm clock went off and beeping disturbed the quiet morning atmosphere. Terrence frowned and hit it with a fist to make it snooze. The body groaned and its head lifted. Terrence looked at it to see Maddie.

"Terrence, only you would set an alarm to wake up on a Saturday," she said while yawning.

"And only you would sleep on one side of the bed and wake up practically sleeping on top of me," he chuckled.

Maddie rolled her eyes then smiled.

"Don't act like you didn't enjoy waking up with a girl in your arms," she said, laying her head down on his chest, "Thanks from saving me from the misery that's called boredom last night."

"Anytime," he said gently stroking her arm, but stopped when Maddie looked up at him again.

"And if you tell anyone about our kiss, be sure to have said your goodbyes before I rip your skin off."

He moved so quick that within a matter of seconds he was hovering over her.

"Aren't you one for torture? It wasn't just a kiss after a certain someone stuck their tongue in my mouth and hands were glued to me like a plunger or a fly on crap."

"Wow, Terrence, you're gross," she whispered. They were just about to kiss when a phone exploded into a loud girly ringtone. Maddie pushed Terrence off her and leaped off the bed to get to her phone. The big font on the screen read: RONNIE. She pushed her fringe out of her face and answered the phone call. "This is Maddie."

"Who is it?" Terrence gave a flirty smile. Maddie lifted her index finger towards him and then stuck out her tongue to him, which he gladly grinned at. Her face turned serious.

"What? I'll be right there," she hung up, looking at Terrence, "We have to go."

"What happened?" he asked with concern.

"Questions later," she threw on her sweater heading out the bedroom door. Terrence got off the bed and followed her with both their shoes in his hands.


	7. Chapter 7

Sunday. Beth was at church sitting at her usual spot. Third bench from the front on the left side. She listened to her pastor give a sermon on being stuck in the middle. As she listened, her mind got lost in the verses of the bible. She started thinking again. Most of the times when she just sat in church, all that wasn't right in her life flooded through her mind, and it would overwhelm her.

Everyone stood up to praise and worship. Just as the first song was in its refrain, Beth burst into tears. The woman next to her handed her a tissue, while smiling.

"It is a beautiful song, bless you, my dear girl," she said. Beth gave her a smile through her tears, she took the tissue and walked over to confession. There she continued to cry.

"Are you okay?" She heard a voice and stopped her sobs trying to speak.

"I don't know," she answered the voice. The voice, which she recognized as her pastor, was quiet. He waited for her to calm down. After two or three sobs, she started telling her story, "I'm angry. I'm so angry that it's now become what I do. I get angry with one person mostly. Maybe I'm just going crazy..." she sniffed and gently shook her head.

"Go ahead," the pastor calmly said.

"Well, I made a promise that I would never lose my virginity. Not before my wedding night anyway. I kept it until one night when I got drunk. Maybe it is my guilt, but I became so mad at myself that I made myself bitter. This bitterness… I used it against Ronnie. I wish I could say I felt anything other than anger and hatred towards him, but I don't. I don't even know how to talk to him like a civilized human being. It's not of my nature anymore."

"This Ronnie... You lost it to him?" the pastor's question was half a statement.

"Yes."

"I see. I think you are angry because you felt betrayed and that it was his fault that you have committed this sin. It sounds to me that hate is what you use to cover up your real emotions towards him. Go to the Lord and pray, He shall make you pure again."

She left the chapel, heart still troubled. Beth could not only depend on prayer. The least she could do to do her part, was to pray that she made the right decisions.

…

"Dear Lord, I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong. I'm sorry for not keeping my promise. I'm sorry for turning my feelings from love to hate. I'll admit, I don't know how to handle things and losing what was most precious to me hasn't been easy for me. I don't know how to handle things anymore. I lost Ronnie, and I'm pretty sure that he hates me too. I wish everything could go back to normal for I have absolutely no peace in me anymore. I hate what I'm living like and the way I push people away. Please help me to find it in me to make amends with Ronnie and to forgive myself for what I've done. Please help me make the right choices this time. Dear Lord, I don't ask this because I deserve it, but in Your Holy Name, " a knock disturbed the peace, Beth kindly ignored it, "Amen."

She got into her grey sheets, preparing for bed. The knock that was far was more audible now that it was on her bedroom door. Beth sighed and opened it to find Maddie.

"Maddie?" Beth asks, concern filling her voice, "Are you okay?"

"I am, but… I'm not sure Ronnie is," Maddie said, before Beth could say anything, she continued, "His mother had a stroke the other night."

"Sorry to hear that, Maddie, but I don't think you should be here," Beth said, "You should be with Ronnie. He'll need your support. He'll need his best friend."

"That's not the only thing he needs."

"What do you mean?"

"You. I wish you'd show more sympathy," Maddie said, she had a pinch of anger in her voice, "I think you should see Ronnie."

The two girls stood for a long time exchanging looks before Maddie decided to leave. Maybe this was Beth's chance to make things okay again. Maybe Maddie was right. The only way she could think of was to be a friend to Ronnie by also supporting him. But how? Ronnie probably did not want to see her after her tantrum the previous day. Beth cleared her thoughts and went back to bed. She switched off her light and drifted to sleep.


End file.
